As far as pass times go working out seems to be personally the funniest and healthiest thing I could do but all great things have their little fuck ups that ruin the whole thing, much like Channing Tatum to the film industry. Yes, although I love working out it seems now to be an annoyance because of the amount of dickheadity (a word I invented to describe a person / people whose personal life’s evolves around being a grade A dickhead!) that chooses to spend their spare time in the same gym as me. My local gym is called “New Bodies” with the logo being a handsome, sexy, extremely muscular guy who looks a bit like Johnny Bravo holding a beautiful blonde woman on his bicep. As you can imagine from the great advertisement of the logo you get a lot of losers seeing this unrealistic image of this god-like dude and decide to go in hoping that they too could hold a beautiful blonde female or maybe even speak to a beautiful blonde female or maybe just plain speak to a female. I like to put these losers into 2 categories. The fat, plumpish, sweaty category and the walking tooth pick, level 23 wizard master category, basically the fat guys and the skinny guys. Great, that’s all I need while I’m pumping iron, some fat kid stinking up the place with an evil B.O. and pizza farts and some 100 pound nerd trying to lift a barbell with weights OBVIOUSLY to much for him and he ends up getting strangled by it or drops the fucker on my toe. They don’t have the slightest fucking clue what they’re doing and even if they did I’m sure they wouldn’t get far without fainting, collapsing or dieing, I mean most of the fat, plumpish sweaty category are out of breath and are queezing just from walking up the stairs. Not good. Probably shouldn’t put any beautiful blonde on your biceps any time soon losers (for these guys I use the term “biceps” loosely). Yes, having stupid dickheads who don’t know what they’re doing in the gym can be pretty annoying but for all you people who haven’t been to a gym or maybe don’t even know what a gym is ( and if that is the case and you don’t know what one is it’s more than likely you will need to go to one because your body is probably physical wank ) nerds and fatties aren’t the only problem there, oh no, the other annoying dickheads are the steroid users or as I think they are called in America “Jocks” or is the correct term “Douche bags”? I don’t know to be honest, anyway, these douche bag jocks really ruin the gym experience on a hygiene level and on an “I wish that guy would shut the fuck up” level so as I’m sure you’ve guessed it they make a lot of noise. The last thing I need while I’m steadily curling a dumbbell is some giant red ape screaming to himself “934, 935, 936, BURN THE FAT, 937, 938, YOUR THE MAN PERCY, YOU ARE THE MAN, 939 940, OK HALF WAY THERE PERCY YOU FAT FUCK!”. I mean the guy looks like a giant vein right now, all he needs to do is go home and relax! Maybe try eating something normal rather than a farm animal shake. And even if I can manage to ignore this dickhead hollering and get back to my work out I’m soon reminded of the freak from his constant spitting. I don’t know all the side effects of steroids but I’m sure spitting isn’t one of them. Keep it in your mouth you Percy you fucking animal! (Sigh) It seems that another place that I care about is ruined by the dickheadity. But for anyone reading this I hope it hasn’t put you off going to the gym. The gym is a wonderful place where anyone can improve their body in order to contain a healthy lifestyle, but for anyone reading this that happens an obese dude, a guy who is too weak to clean his room up of empty UTZ bangs and used tissues or just a genie Jafar look-alike… Just stay the fuck out of my way.
B. Jenko
